Tuesday, May 24, 2005

The Noodle Pacifier.

Hello all,

When your girlfriend is angry with you, make dinner for her like this.

1. Boil a bunch of water with a couple of shakes of salt from a normal salt shaker.
2. Add some premium quality Japanese Somen Noodle. I bought mine at Han Ah Reum. . .the stuff that comes in neat perfectly sized packages of straight noodle, tied together in small bunches with little paper belts written with Japanese characters. No not that one. . .the other one. It says Somen on it. Next shelf to your right.
3. Undress the noodles belts, and let it slip into tbe boiling water delicately. Like a beautiful noodle having a bath.
4. Because the directions on the back of the packet say "boil for 3 minutes", leave them in there for 6 minutes. Such random acts of rebellion show how original a cook you are, and makes your recipe irreproducible.
5. Drain your noodle in a pasta strainer on the sink, and clean up the water that you have spilled all over the place, because you don't have any experience in the kitchen whatsoever.
6. In a Wok (or Non-stick frying pan) add a little (2 tbsp) Olive oil and start heating on a low flame.
7. Add 2 Fresh cut green chillies, half a teaspoon of chlli powder, tsp of Chilli-garlic paste (Sriracha thai stuff), and any other asian sauces that you have in your fridge. Just a half a spoon each. Be creative. For a really wonderful effect, throw in a spoonful of last year's A1 Barbecue steak sauce. The intention is that whoever is eating it will not know all the things you put in. . .and will therefore think of you as an experienced cook, and not a simpleton who uses 1 or 2 ingredients.
8. Black peppers. Life would be empty and meaningless without them.
9. When it all starts crackling in the oil think in your mind: "That's the oil phase. . .and you need an emulsifying agent like turmeric or something before you mix it in. . .but a recipe like this would not taste good with turmeric". Add a pinch of "Dhaniya" powder. Open the fridge to see what else you can add. Start drinking a beer that was lying around in the bottom of the fridge.
10. Add some coconut milk. Just to see what happens. 1 Tbsp.
11. Add the Somen. Stir. Open freezer and add assortment of frozen vegetables. . .especially oriental vegetables. just a little bit. Add some peas.
12. Clean up the kitchen from all the peas you have spilt all over. Have some more beer.
13. Keep cooking until the Somen starts getting a little stuck at the bottom of the Wok/non-stick pan. Remind yourself that noodle is mostly starch, and that it tends to clump upon heating.
14. Taste some of the veggies to see if they are cooked yet. Cook until they are.
15. Taste some of the noodle. If it's not spicy enough, add some ground pepper over the top.

Serve with a side of Bistro Chips, and Cut Tomatoes.

Your girlfriend will stop being angry with you because you made dinner for her. And she won't be able to eat much of it because it is very spicy. Even if she doesn't appreciate your efforts. . .at least you have the beer.

Subhamoy.

3 comments:

Amlan said...

Are you serious? Is turmeric an emulsifying agent?

Subhamoy Pal said...

Yes. It helps oil mix with water.

Anyesha said...

You made me eat that....oh my God!!!